The Real Housewives of OC, Vegas Baby

This week starts out at K'ya, where Tamra takes her mom for a few drinks, 4 weeks post face lift. I have to say....her mom looks like a totally different person! When she was shown prior to surgery, she looked haggard and this week (maybe due to some post surgical swelling) she was almost unrecognizable (and you could see the wheels spinning in Tamra's small brain about her mom possibly claiming her rightful title as "Hottest Housewife.") Cheers to Sandy.

Of course, what else would go with a new look but a shot at love on an online dating service??? Way to make it about you, Tamra, by suggesting that Sandy use the headline, "I am the mom of the hottest housewife in Orange County."
Oh, brother. It says nothing of Sandy's "hotness" although she is clearly the one in the market for the new man.

Tamra tells Sandy that she's worried since Sandy is at the point of retirement and if she doesn't find a man, Tamra will be stuck taking care of dear, old mom. I guess being unemployed and having a stay-at-home husband is more than Tamra can take care of....

Brianna subjects herself to shopping for scrubs with Vicki, who suggests they design their own scrubs which will be cool and have glitter--because nothing screams competency in the Emergency Room quite like glitter.

Jeana returns to her hometown of Milwaukee. Apparently, Jeana has been "trying to visit" for 4 or 5 years, but with Shane and Colton's baseball schedule and Kara playing volleyball, mom and dad fell by the wayside. Of course, Shane has been away for more than a year playing and Kara has spent a semester at college, but I'm sure juggling your adult kids sports is no laughing matter.

Awkwardness ensues when Jeana asks her BLIND father if he saw the rain that day...and follows up with a query as to why her folks haven't visited California recently (maybe they were afraid of the kids' hectic sports scheduling?) To make her case, she says, "Even if you're blind, Stevie Wonder goes all over the world on tour." Nothing like peer pressure....and who wouldn't do exactly what Stevie Wonder does? As her mom says, "Good for Stevie."

Next we meet Jeana's younger sister, Janis, who lives near their parents. Jeana reminisces about going camping and fishing with her father when she was young and the old adage about how you should marry someone like your father. Naturally, she doesn't miss a chance to point out that Matt never liked those types of things and add that they probably never should have gotten married.

Back in the OC, Lynne's mom pops by for cocktail hour and as the two sip very large martinis, Lynne tells her mother that the love of alcohol is *not* skipping a generation--in fact, Raquel has gotten an early start on her addiction.

Lynne vents about how Raquel has no direction and her mom astutely points out that perhaps Lynne is "too nice" to her daughters. Lynne wants to play best friend. It was surprising to learn that Lynne's father was a Captain in the Navy and ran a tight ship in the home. It was also funny to see a family photo of Lynne growing up--I was struck that not only is she a dead ringer for Raquel, but her two sister's faces were blurred out. Hahahahaha. I guess they don't want to be associated with this damned show. Smart sisters!

Lynne's mom chimes in that in that situation, she would take away Raquel's car, but Lynne feels it was a birthday present and she doesn't want to use that as a punishment. Call me crazy, but if the girl has a drinking problem (at 18) should she ever be driving? It may be lost on Lynne, but only since she and her booze-guzzling daughter have been featured on this show, Mothers Against Drunk Driving has been broadcasting commercials both before and after the show and Bravo has been forced to air some type of disclaimer about the illegality of underaged drinking and how the show does not condone this behavior. About the only one who is still in the dark on the subject, apparently, is Lynne.

As Lynne's mom counsels her on how good the girls have it and it leads to their lack of motivation, Lynne confesses to not wanting to turn on the vacuum in the morning because poor Raquel likes to sleep in....(drinking all night and not having a job will lend itself to that). After that confession, Lynne's mom is totally enlightened (or as she says, "Ah, now I hear the picture")and tells Lynne that she's an enabler. Good call, Grandma!

Back in Milwaukee, Jeana and Janis are walking along the waterfront and talking about their parents' health. Jeana knows that Janis is picking up the slack and admits that if it were she left to tend to her parents and her sister was off in California and not visiting, she wouldn't like it. It seems like Janis would like to get out of Milwaukee, but with her own kids getting married, she envisions them having kids and she sums it up by saying, "I'm stuck." It's really rather depressing.

Back at Gretchen's..... Jeff has been released from the hospital and he is looking extremely frail. His kids are visiting and that leaves Gretchen free to live up to her obligation of "a girls weekend away."

Dinner at Vicki's and apparently, it's taco night and that makes Donn happy. Naturally, Donn's enthusiasm irritates Vicki because she wants someone to ask HER what she wants for dinner....Brianna arrives for dinner and Vicki immediately jumps on her about her schedule and how much SHE worries about Brianna every minute of every day. Brianna is definitely the most well adjusted of all the kids on the show.

It wouldn't be a family dinner without talking about the family vote to get Vicki's yacht. Donn and Brianna are now dead set against the yacht and supposedly talk Vicki out of it (everything I read about the "yacht" this season has said she could never afford the yacht and it was just for the show so no surprise here).

Now, it's off to Vegas, which seems more like an infomercial for The Red Rock Casino. The Presidential Suite has all kinds of red accents, which allows Gretchen to announce at least 150 times that SHE LOVES RED! The room was seriously nice--with a full bar and a pool table.

A champagne toast leads Lynne to call for a truce, to which Vicki answers (ugh) Kum-Bay-Ah. Then it's off to the pool. Jeana, sitting with Lynne and Vicki, says she wishes there were MEN there. As in....in Vegas? In her one-on-one interview, Jeana announces, "I am ready to meet someone nice and who's all about me and I think I deserve it." Wow. Really?? I do feel bad for Jeana regarding her clear depression and her weight, but after just watching what a crappy daughter she turned out to be, the "I think I deserve it" came off as pretty self-centered.

Gretchen joins the girls and apparently she has found the most obnoxious gift in Las Vegas--the hottie whistle. It's a gift to poke fun of Tamra for her status as self-proclaimed "hottest housewife." The fricking whistle is about as annoying as Tamra. When Lynne says she wants a hottie whistle, Jeana smacks her down by saying, "You and I are past the hottie whistle stage." Lynne, in her one-on-one interview advises Jeana to speak for herself.

In Vicki's one-on-one interview, she tells of her blatant jealousy of Gretchen, er, I mean, her observation that Gretchen is an attention whore. Gretchen imparts her wisdom on the group by saying, "I'd rather be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." Words to live by, indeed. Jeana describes herself as boring and as Gretchen insists NO ONE in their party is boring, Jeana lumps herself in with Lynne again and says, "We are pretty freaking boring, but we're tolerating you." This aggravates Lynne and a discussion ensues about the evilness that is Jeana. Jeana admits to being evil, but congratulates herself on being smart enough to hide it. Tamra adds that Jeana is the one to slam someone, but do it with a smile.

Brianna calls Vicki and she's crying about some problems she is having with her boyfriend. In typical Vicki response, she tells Brianna, "Stop crying, you're hurting my heart." Yes, it's all about Vicki.

What would Vegas be without gambling so the girls go off to play Blackjack. It floors Vicki that the girls aren't as good at the game as she is (in fairness to all, I will admit I have trouble with the adding at the table since an Ace can be 1 or 11...and I can't add that fast). In Tamra's one-on-one, she accuses Gretchen of playing dumb and being Jessica Simpson with the dumb act. She thinks it's like laughing in Vicki's face. Maybe the gesture of the hottie whistle was wasted on Tamra? Gretchen, in her one-on-one admits to yanking Vicki's chain because Vicki claims to be the best at everything.

It's off to dinner where apparently TWO people cannot both like bleu-cheese stuffed dirty martinis. It's VICKI'S SIGNATURE DRINK. A verrry long discussion followed about Lynne having Central Air Conditioning, but not knowing it. As Lynne escorts Gretchen to the bathroom, it leaves the opening for Vicki and Tamra to trash her and talk about how stupid she is......but Vicki also claims to be "calm all the time" and not like some crazy lunatic walking around.

In Lynne's one-on-one, she deadpans that she gets what the housewives are all about and she now has a plan--"To kill them with kindness. OR JUST KILL THEM." Excellent plan. The real joke of this season has been listening to Lynne's interviews because she is totally in on the joke. It must kill Vicki when the episodes air.

Jeana tells everyone to "put their party pants on" and meet up in the nightclub. Gretchen shrieks, "Jeana just wants to get laid." The nightclub is named Tryst. Although we didn't see much of it, Tamra's interview informs us that Gretchen and Lynne were going crazy on the dance floor and it was pretty much embarrassing. That says a lot because apparently Tamra's own bad behavior never seems to be an issue. Tamra remarks that Lynne's dress was up around her waist and her ass was hanging out. We never did see any of that footage (and you think Bravo would be gleeful about it...if it existed). Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black to me.

What was really disgusting, though, was watching VICKI. She was accompanied by a man whose face was blurred out (I guess he chose not to be identified--can ya blame him?) He spins Vicki around a time or two and Lynne says, "What stays in Vegas stays in Vegas--cause he was half her age for one thing" Ha!

One guy approaches Jeana and asks, "Are you still single?" She immediately puts the smack-down on him by sarcastically asking, "Why? Is your dad looking for a date?" Incredulous, he tells her that he is forty-five. Gretchen calls him out and he admits that he is, in fact, 25. Jeana tells him that she needs TWO of him, then. A quick flash of Vicki's date kissing her on the cheek as she places her hand over the camera lens...and it's all over.

Next week should feature Jeana and Kara on a road trip with Frankie, Tamra overacting and throwing a guilt trip on her dad for having the nerve to abandon her. Uh, at 25. Oh, and Jeana has a date with a Texan in a loooong limo.